some people just dont get the words leave me the fuck alone....

All of us siting around the nice warm fire. Warmth for once. Yet we all know we payed dearly for it. Just a small conffert. So twiggy decided to start up a conversation. "why dont we all go around the cercle and say what we whant most? i will start....to go home." They when around the circle and it was eaither to go home or see the girl or wife. Then it go to me....well i wanted to go home and i wanted to see my wife but then again i knew thats not what i wanted most. I knew what i wanted so i said. "I whant things to be right so I wouldnt have to do all the things I do." A deep silence fell over. twiggy "you know thats right and all but why did you decided to become a marine?" All of us " To blow shit up and get paid." Its kindda funny how evan the farthest people can come together though the hardest things. War is nothing when all your fighting for is the man next to you and to go home. Thats all we fight for. Well thats all we fight for now. Evan though home really is home anymore. Home to us is where ever we decide to sleep tonight. We know this wont last long. Its just a short break again. We will probly move in the morning on the city. Gah I hate citys. Yet at the same time I know somthing is not right. just somthing. I better get up early and clean my rifle. Tomaorw will be a long day. " for all the ones that will not see the sunset tomaorw we thank you. goodnight devil dogs."

last chapter

And so I did.
He said write and so I did.
I wrote the last cronicals.
He said you shall be last and you shall recourd the end.
And so i was last.
But why?
Why this burden on me?
beacuse some one had to do it.
so I wrote the last chapter.
and finished it with a simple
the end.

#

so i have decided to change my playlist on here so....heres some new numbers



16
19
23
40
46
60
67
69
73
86
87
88
97
98
122

the snow falls freely.

The snow falls.

The cold snow.

The baren woods.

Just the cold ground and the dorment trees.

Just one more place to be on this long trip.

Ha least thats what im calling it now.

the soft crunch of snow still creaps nthought the woods.
the cold wind against my face.
The numbness.
That cold fealing wheres its so cold you dont feel anything.
Continue i must.
Down this path.
Down to the edge of the woods.
Though the villa that lies beyond that.
Across the county.
Back to my home.
Why did I decided to make things right?
Why did i decided to fight for this?
Fuck it Im going home.
Back to her and my life.
Back to myy warm bed.
Hot showers.
Hot food.
Boring job.
But then again, if I never came here.
All would be lost.
I would rest but tyrany never seams to sleep.

its not how i lace up my boots its the fact that i lace up my boots.
the time will come soon.
when tirany will fall.
a new nation will be born.
well
reborn.
good night.
I will watch ovr you as you sleep.
for tonight i clean my rifle.

i dont know what to write but i know i sould write somthing.
i have been called to do somthing....
god exsistes end of statment.
Yet some things still scare me.
yet they are diffrent now.
and somtimes i just dont know what to do.
for once i dont know.

In the silence of the darkness on the last day of the earth. They spoke. All as one. In perfect harmoney.


* decided to write the last thing first in my book.*

ps I love you.

you have some good music

4
6
15
17
24
26 * the begining* i think home
35
72 *ben on the list for a long time* thank you
84
138
141
144- 146
155 always loved that song
168

Falling.
Holding the earth togeather on my back.
Geting crushed under the weight.
Finding the the pain of berdens.
Let it go.
Be free from it.
Breathing with the weight off.
finaly.
Im free

It is never the past or the future that defines us.
It is only now.
Some people choose.
Some people are forced.
It dosnt matter wheather you lived a horible life or you lived a great life.
The only thing that matters is what you leave behind.
The world will go one.
They will speek for you.
People will cry.
People will try to hid the feelings of loss.
People will be glad.
People will.
So only take tomaorw as your last day.
For you only live today.

-deep taught.
its the chaos that surrounds an idea

anyways
its not how much you want it its how much your willing to work for it.
How much your willing to give up.

I never want to be reconized for the things i do.
Just remember me.
That is enough.

Folow your dreams.
Yet remember you are not alone.
Sometimes its not about your dreams.
Somtimes some one has better dreams.
I may not folow my dreams, but I still folow my path.
My path of faith, hardship, and will.
Yet I have found some one worth it.
Some one worth the fight.
Someone worth coming home to.
home.....
somthing that still needs work on.

Alot has been on my mind.
mostly whats gunna hapin this year school wise
and the rest of my life wise.
still figuring out how im suposed to put the peaces to me together.
yet some how i feel im still locking them away.
I find myself diggin in the past every so so.
still thinking about the marines mostly
so i have 2 days of freedom.
then im off.
for an adventure.
least i wont ever be bord

screaming.
fighting.
living.
dying.
breathing.
slipping.
falling.
striving.
finding what i always wanted.
Her.
She is worth everything.
THats all i have to say

life

Change.
People change yet they stay the same.
I have changed so much yet.
Im still the same.
same music still brings the same feelings.
Still have the same scars from my past.
Move forward from them.
My life.
A chalange.
yet. a part of me is gone.
the depressing part.
the part of me that could write anything he wanted and have it be gone from my mind.
i gess im done with writing for a wile....

byond the blue ocean.
the blue blue ocean....
the waves so fiting.....
the blue hue...of whats so few came to knew.
the blue hue of that dark moon.
the blue hue of the dark waves.
slowly turning into blak.
the blakness of the dark waters.
The light gone so far away.
yet the dark waters are so bright.

200

hmm wow 200
well this one actuly has meaning and perpous....

Forgive and forget.
To the people of my past I forgive you.

its the past its gone.

This week end was just what I needed to stop and find myself.
I know I put my self in harms way doing what I want to do.
Its not just me anymore besides my voices.
I have some one that cares about me.
The me she gets.
Hers.
The same me.
yet so diffrent.
The me that understands now.
I just hope things go the right way.
war is a terrible thing.
afganistan.
well its better than doing nothing.
I know what i did.
My fight.
But not just my life anymore.
My life is whole now.
Its funny how two shatterd peaces of glass cut every one who touches them.
Yet together they fit together.
as if made for the other.

so I will leave you with this.
A person that served in the armed forces "every one sould do at least two years in the armed forces."
A rich civilian "some one needs to serve in the armed forces....just not me."

we dont take atthing with us when we go.
yet all the things we leave behind.
everything.
So why worry about everything?
You end up leavning it all behind.
but the question you ask is.
what did i leave behind?
I know what i leave.
Yet everythig I do is worth it.
I know i will leave somthign behind.
" A hero need not speek, For the world will speek for him when he is gone."

i fight for my reasion
i fight to protect people.
i fight for what i love
i fight for my rights
i fight so others wont haqve to.
i fight so things wont get lost.
i fight so we can live and let love

riflemans creed

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than the enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. My rifle and I know that what counts in war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, or the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit.
My rifle is human, even as I am human, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will keep my rifle clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other.
Before God I swear this creed. My rifle and I are the defenders of my country. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy

lfe gose on

one of the truest things about me...
my morals.
my fuck ups.
i promised to protect the people i care about.
to be there for them.
yet the people that get close to me always get hurt somhow.
thats why i never let people close to me.
my pain.
the pain i feel fromt hem.
my bigest flaw.
the burden i bear.
the pain of the people.
a gardians flaw.
a wariors weakness.
my mistakes.
the promises i couldnt keep.
thats why i dont get close.
thats why i dont speek much.
thats why i dont care as some would say.
thats why im an asshole.
because you have no fucking clue to have 7 compleate people in your head.
you have no fucking clue what its like to be me.
only a few will ever know.
the people that figured it out.
yet whats gone is gone.
whats here is here.
and everything is somewhat ok for once.
peace in my life.
somtimes now since i changed.
since i got what i wanted.
the pain isnot as bad.
but then again its just me.
hopfully i get to go to afganistan b4 its apeace keeping mission....
but
w.e life gose on.

forever

somthing new.........
its harder you think to not care.
its just somtimes i wish i didnt care so much about people.
just make my way.
be the shadow that i tend to be.
the past still gets the best of me.
yet the present still kicks my ass
and the future....
fuck that......
knowing sucks.
being one yet torn sucks.
not being one sucks.
being me sucks and rocks at the smae time.
the big picture........
what is it?
the thing that still gets me somtimes.
change.....



ok time for somthing i wrote....
gliding thought the darkness of the night.
runng though the dark woods in nmy simple mocs.
running.
the dim light of the moon to guide my way.
yet i know i will never out run it.
never out run myself.
can i fight it forever?

somthing

i have changed a bit....
i have lost a few things....
i have gained more....
i have burnt bridges...
i have bilt bridges....
i have fucked alot up....
i have gotten somthing i asked for.....
i have goten some things i never thought i would.....
i have changed...
for the better....
life has closed a few doors for me
but opend so many more.....
my scars may never heal.....but maby they will dissapear....
maby they will be filled with somthing else...
some one better

somthing thats kindda always on me mind,......
where i fit in life......
whre im suposed to be....
i think the thing that kindda gets me is....
i want to spend every moment with her....
yet a large chunk of me wants to be in a combat zone....
its finding the inbetwine.....
i kinddfeal like the bomb guy in the hurt locker....
at the end.....
i know where im going ish...
i know what im doing....
its well
after.....that kindda gets me

somthing to write.....
anything worth wile is never easy....
lotta things on the mind latly....
past
present
whats next......
what do i do.....
i know what i want to....
i know what i have to......
i might have to start geting things around for my leave....
dam
4 years.......
this year is gunna go by so fast then im gone.....
but least im the shit....
marines.....
yet i know she will still worry about me....
just like i wory about her.....
its funny...
2 people just fine with being alone.... end up together......
my girl....shes amazing.....
we see our selves so wrong...but the way we see each other.....this is my blog....
my mind....
i might go back into my note book and put up some post...i will try to put more new stuff up....
my past is still on my mind alot.....and its almost still in my face....and i will havde to deal with it for anougher year......
easy...
just do what i have to do inclass....get by and be a marine....get my collage....maby stay in reitre by 40......do w.e i want.....
its the inbetwine now....
thats what gets me......
from now till june 6th.....less than a year to get physicaly redy an mentaly.....
and to do a few other things i want to......
need to talk to pastor......
well thats it for now.....

billy jean was not my girl

its kindda funny....how i see things.....
its kindda funny how im starting to peace things to gether....
its kindda funny how the cards fall.....
or are they pushed?
things are falling into place almost so perfectly....
its just clicking now.....
yet...still hard...but better.......



hey kate......
if i die.....in a combat zone....
you get my notebook

minor details thats what i watch for....
its like
well
everthing is the same
yet somthing is diffrent
the worst part is when it happins and you dont relize it till like a couple days later then its like fuck....i knew that...
its just
odd
and somtimes unbearable.
but i have to for it is a fraction of me

The cold snow on the mountain.
The slow falling of the light snowflakes.
the crunch of snow under my boots.
just a bit farther to the top.
the cold howl of the wind.
the fidged air.
prefect place to sit down and rest.
watcdh the world fomr this mountain top,

from a side of me that dosnt get to say much

when you jump off that cliff all you can think about is how much you want to jump. As you go down you start to think about things difrently. Then when you hit the hard ground. It hurts so much. But all you can think is fuck it hurts. Why did i do it?
Yet somtimes you just pick yourself up beacuse you know that you souldnt have jumped and you know why now. yet stomtimes you jump and thats all you know.
and somtimes there is some one there to talk you down from jumping. I never had that person.
I jumped.
I felt free for a moment.
happy.
then i hit the ground.
The worst pain ever.
But i got up.
The greatest thing ive ever done.
I moved on.
Yet I still cant sleep.
I still dream red.
I still have my pains.
I still think about jumping.
Im found.
yet for some reasion I still feal so lost?
i gess its just me for the moment.


Rainman

Put one foot in fount of the other.
All the advice i can give myself.
its kindda funny.
that you dont miss somthign til its gone.
but owell...
summer might last a bit longer now.
then again next year sould go fast.
yet its kindda my last year around here....
basic
mos
somewhere not here....
and maby a ring somwhere inbetween somthing

a day of fighting the shakes.
a day of fighting the urge to run
aday of fighting the head aches
a day of fighting the world
a day of fighting ymself
just one more day.
or
one less day?

ok here come my joke....saw it on a game trailer....


hey ok we are being sent in first.....wait dont they have like people that are trained to do that...
yes by they are to expensive to lose....
aw fuck....

just a military joke...
also known as fubar

I try to leave the pain of my past behind.
I have been trying to leave alot behind me latly.....
Trying to mold myself into somthing.
not sure...what...
but something better
but i gess its always been like that.

a few things are in me head alot....
only a few things that are so vivid.
like photos....
the white crosses......
the violins....in the streets of the taterd bildings...
the chears of the romans....
the crys of the people.
the fall if civilisations

haha my freind she said this in one of her updates and i kindda found it funny ish

"Love is just an excuse for all the bad things you are doing and the shit you are putting up with"
then i tought to myself....
wow that was 6 months ago....

a story
a new playlist
amost bilt on me.
well
the me i see right now.
my past
my present
and everything else.

you will find it on my other page....the secound one....

well.....i gess this post changed its meaning half way though....
so i gess here what i want to talk about.....


my past...I kindda decided to look back on it finaly.
I treid to be a diffrent person once before.
A simple rose on a simple valintines day.
I decided to go out on a limb.
It worked for a wile.
then it dicapeaierd.
like everything else in my life but whats new.
skip forward a cuple years....
high school...
A changed person.
slightly more depressed than every one else.
yet no one knows anything about me.
Just one more fake mask.
One more actor in the play of life.
Still alone.
just trying to get outta high school...
get on with the rest of me life.
everything was planed out.
a military life.
full blown.
no one to cry for me.
made it easy.
Just be me.
alone.
In scilence.
The darkness was not that bad.
I accepted who I was.
Then i gess things kindda changed.
I decided to go out on a limb again.
try to be diffrent..
maby life could be better.
skip ahead a few more months.
things start to fall apart.
I try to hold it together.
It works for a few more.
then i kindda crumbles.
I decided to move on with my life so I dont get draged down with some one who never realized who I was.
kindda spent a few days thinking prity lowly of my self.
yet
I was slightly releaved.
*back a year*
some one catches my eye,
yet shes out there and I realy dont want to talk to her.
not frightend.
I gess its just myy shyness.
yet...she grows close to me some how.
hard for me to get close to anyone.
yet she become my best freind so to say.
I end upthinking more of her.
the similarities betwine us. Yet I kindda got close to some on else at the same time.
yet it was diffrent.
A slight chunk of me wanted to dump her after things got rough. for some reasion ididnt.
After I did break up with her.
I wish i would have done it sooner.
Yet at the same time I wish i didnt.
Yet I traded lives once again.
I broke up with her.
I hung up my mask that every one else seen.
Every one but her.
The one person to look deeper than the serface.
The one I truly loved.
Somthing about her.
It grew on me.
Maby it was when I relized if she died a space in me would be vacant.
I fought so hard for her with out relizing it.
Then she held her life in her hands.
I kindda dawned on me.
I was ment for her.
yet wile i was single i still floated around for a bit.
found out som things.....
like the day she found out that i was dating the other girl was the day she was going to ask me.
If only one of us would have asked sooner.
well it came around and she asked me.
I said yes of course.
life gets better.
The pain not as harsh.
The distance spacing lessing then dissapering.
the slight smiles.
yet I still ask my self.
did I make a diffrence today?
Yet I still ask myself.
why do things happin like they do.
but then I think
somties the plot may be obscure and dim.
yet it always works out in the best way it can.

so I gess thats it for now....
feal a lil beter....
night
Myself

things i find funny
hypacrits....
irony

153

conterdiction/irony

running from who im
yet
trying to get closer to myself

twichits
23
havent listined to this song in a long wile
yet it stil feels.. so familar...
then its kindda broken by 24
yet still held together....
kindda like some one I know...
broken...
yet still ok

ok what i took from you wensday...
i will not give it back
untill
A. your dad asks.
B i can trust you with it.


also i want a copy of your story....
dont care if its a rough

movies people sould watch.......
domino
lord of war
last samuri
and some other ones i cant think of right now...
wait
across the universe

crazy
by
gnarls barkly

just a song that plays on the brain

a few songs i like
you might 2

creed
my sacifice

rise against
swing life away Kindda reminds me of you mostly...
with the ill tell you whos is worse...........

then somtime when your sad i think of this one...
mostly when im
chers me up

satly dog by flogging molly

heres a hint....
the sun

176

dotn ever think my love for you is anything like me past.
Its a compleatly diffrent thing.
Thats kindda why i cant stay mad at you.
Thats kindda why you fill my holes.
Yet some wounds never heal we all know that.
But then again
every rule has an exception.

I told my self I will not go back into the dakness.
Yet in the darkness is somthing i wish I could find.
myself.
I promised I would not go back onto the darkness.
And yet I find myself serching for somthing that can be found in the darkness.

Walk softly in the darkness.
Walk softly so no one hears you escape into the darkness.
Walk softly no one will notice.
Walk softly time will pass faster.
Walk softly.

44

a new list for a new day

new song list for a new day.
about a man
136
158
166
171*
176
15
20 ( slight smile)
55
59 (just kindda like the smoothness of the song)
125 ( just kindda relaxes me in some way)

twich rant

lession 1.
dont be a hypacrit.
the more hypacritical you are the dumber you get.
And the more you are them more people hate you.
shut up no one cares about your retarded hypacritical opinion.
It dosnt matter.

lession 2
I put wall up to keep people safe.
deal with it.

lession 3.
the world sucks.
it always has.
Its violent.
Its crule.
Its full of retarded people that drag it down.
thats the world.

lession 4.
no one cares.
stop bitching.
no one will be there to hear you.
theres a point when you stop.
end of conversation.
Thanx for draggin the world down....it give me a reasion to be so dam pessimistic.
so stop blaming me for your rainy days,

a self conterdiction

yep thats me in a ut shell
a big counterdiction.
being me is the hardest thing ever.
torn yet whole.
its hard being me.
The hardest thing i know.
trying to fight myself to live each day,
somtimes its easy sometimes its unbarible.,
puting the mask on is easy.
taking it off scaring.
the harsh battle within.
The pain of life.
The full body pain.
the pain of being toched.
the bombs in my head.
the pain of voices.
the pain of light.
the struggle.
The thoughts.
I wish I could sleep.
least then the pain isnt as bad.
the irony of trying to be yourself.
yet wishin you whernt in pain

199 about a man

about a man
12
62
88
92
108
127
151
166
183 ( the only theme song I ever had)

no rest
7
153
185
195
198

A peace of me just well dosnt know what to do.
A peace of me wants to run before The past seams to catch up.
A part of me just wants to stay.
A part of me wants to trust you.
A part of me wants to be alone.
A part of me just wants to know ahead of time.
A part of me just wants to be so far away.


Some times I just wonder.
What do I do next?

random thought.,,,,,
why is it when your not daing one no one like you.
well least they keep it to them selves.
but when you date some one
everything come outta the wood work?
just kindda odd.....
owelll

195*
189
192
185
181-184
a short list
yet it kindda means somthing ish

The sound of silence.
The peacefullness of it.
Yet the terror.
The screaming.
The shouting.
The pain.
Waiting for shit to hit the fan.
the worst fealiing ever.
Then the fighting starts.
Bullets flying everwhere.
Just do what you do everytime.
Hope you get out alive once more.
Just to go though the same thing the next day.
Waiting for death.
Wanting to go home.
Waiting for the end to come.
wanting the end to come.
Wanting the fighting to stop.
Yet you try to shout and scream for it to stop.
Yet cant make any noise.
The fealing I wake up to.
The things I deal with.
The pain and suffering of war.
The reasion Iam the way im.
The pain in my life.
My dreams...
My life.
Wanting for my angel to take me far away from my pain.
Yet I run headstrong into my pain.
Like I always have.
Running from everything that im and everything im not.
Stuck somwhere here in the middle.
torn into peaces.
shaterd.

the light is not great by itself.
its the darkness that makes light so great.

its what you leave behind......thats the only thing that maters

hmm
them songs
126
142
58
60

hmm

85
a thought of the day.
Its not the bildings that make a city a city.
its the people.
hey lets throw 35 in there too

the 2 things that bother me the most.
people that talk about shit they dont know about.
poeple that complain about shit and do nothing about it.
any combination of those 2 things.
also
stupid people.

about a man
37
153
154
175 *idk about this one*

What if you knew you where going to die.
would you try to avoid it.
would you try to change things.
what if you knew everything leading to your death.
would you stop and do everything you wanted to do.
what if you knew every thing you did wouldnt change anything.
What if you knew what would still happin.
what would you do.
would you do nothing.
what if things didnt turn out like you thought it would.
what if you knew you where alredy dead
its my life
somewhat.

62
4
6 ( current mood)

Somtimes I think about things I souldnt
somtimes I saythings i souldnt.
Somtimes /i do things /i souldnt.
Sometimes /I fuck up.
And somtimes people piss me off beacuse they like to fucking flaunt that shit in my face and I just want to fucking snap there dam necks like fucking tooth picks.

ok
im prity good now......
that felt better.
twich

56
chasing sunsine.

somthing i kindda think about.
Its more of.
well its kindda what i think whn you run.
Just chasing after you.

All i have to say in response is.
all good things are hidden.
not easy to find.
yet when you do find them
they are so worth it.

my pillars change
today
HONOR
COURAGE
COMMITMENT

that stone saying.

A rolling stone gather no moss.

it can be taken 2 aways.
The stone never has roots to hold it down.
or
the stone is always fresh beacuse it never grows roots.

kindda funny
somtimes i wonder what stone im

playlist #2

119
22
122
126*
165
130
134
138
153
The shatterd mind speeks.
154
158
3
5
56
53

In the dakness I pray.
I pray for the day to come tomaorw.
I pray for the ones that deserve it.
I pray in the darkness of night.
I pray for you.

when i was gone
All I thought was what happins later.
OR you.
it was mostly you.

Super hero girl by eve 6
almost over by limpbizket
all around me by flyleaf
before Im dead by kidney thieves
before I forgett by slipknot
All I ever wanted by basshunter

yea...few songs
anyways
I think i dont want to let you go
ever....so yea...

a few songs in my mind alot

time for a sad song

fidlers green

Halfway down the trail to Hell,In a shady meadow greenAre the Souls of all dead troopers camped,Near a good old-time canteen.And this eternal resting placeIs known as Fiddlers' Green.
Marching past, straight through to HellThe Infantry are seen.Accompanied by the Engineers,Artillery and Marines,For none but the shades of CavalrymenDismount at Fiddlers' Green.
Though some go curving down the trailTo seek a warmer scene.No trooper ever gets to HellEre he's emptied his canteen.And so rides back to drink againWith friends at Fiddlers' Green.
And so when man and horse go downBeneath a saber keen,Or in a roaring charge of fierce meleeYou stop a bullet clean,And the hostiles come to get your scalp,Just empty your canteen,And put your pistol to your headAnd go to Fiddlers' Green.

and time for a better song
"foggy dew"

'Twas down the glen one Easter mornTo a city fair rode I.When armed line of marching menIn squadrons passed me by.No pipes did hum, no battle drumDid sound its loud tattooBut the Angelus bell o'er the Liffey's swellRang out in the foggy dew.
Right proudly high over Dublin townThey hung out a flag of war.'Twas better to die 'neath an Irish skyThan at Suvla or Sud el Bar.And from the plains of Royal MeathStrong men came hurrying through;While Brittania's huns with their great big gunsSailed in through the foggy dew.

O' the night fell black and the rifles' crack
Made "Perfidious Abion" reel'Mid the leaden rail, seven tongues of flame Did shine o'er the lines of steel.
By each shining blade a prayer was siad
That to Ireland her sons be true,And when morning broke still the war flag shook
Out its fold in the foggy dew
'Twas England bade our wild geese go
That small nations might be free.But their lonely graves are by Suvla's waves
On the fringe of the gray North Sea.But had they died by Pearse's side
Or fought with Cathal Brugha,
Their names we'd keep where the Fenians sleep'Neath the shroud of the foggy dew.
The bravest fell, and the solemn bell Rang mournfully and clear
For those who died that Watertide
In the springing of the year.And the world did gaze with deep amaze
At those fearless men, but few
Who bore the fight that freedom's light
Might shine through the foggy dew.
Ah, back through the glen I rode again
and my heart with grief was
I parted then with valiant men
whom I never shall see more.But to and fro in my dreams I go andI'd kneel and pray for you,For slavery fled, O glorious dead, when
you fell in the foggy dew.

Eilzabeth I love you.
Kate your my best freind end of statement.
Frances if you still read this Im sorry for everything I have done to you.
I have things to do people to see.
And shit to blow up along the way

Semper Fidelis

he walks in the darkness of pain.
The darkness of night.
Never his own darkness.
Yet always his,
his darkness.
his fight.
When when will he give up.
Never.
The only one with his middle finger in the air as death trys to come to get him once more.
He never moves.
Just sits and waits for his time to come.
Yet it will not betoday.
For some one fancys him.
Maby it will work out for him this time.

What souldnt be on my stone

life sucks
shit happins
things dont go your way.
Yet in the end things work out.
So get over it and go live life.
You only have one

well....
as few know im sick as hell today.
Yet Im the happiest i have benn in a very long time.
Things are kindda falling in the right places now

I find it kindda funny
I was listing to that cd you gave me a wile back.
patriot game
by far almost my fav track

stand tall in the darkness.
For darkness is mearly just a time.
A short and yet a long time.
Times come.
Times go.
Things change.
Things stay the same.

some one told me
its not the light that's great.
its when you have darkness.
Then there is light.
That's what makes it so beautiful

Its just that.
well you dont know everything
and you kindda based a decision on that.
but o well
thats the past.
MY past is behind me.
Yet it changes who im.
yet it dose not.
There are only a few solid peaces of me if you havent alredy figured that out. kindda like pillars
The rest are fragments subject to change or well sothing else

its just that one thing thats on my mind but i dont want to rush into things

sometimes i wonder if you dont want to be with just beacuse you might lose me.

but the question is what is a long distance relations ship for a few years compared to a lifetime?
that was a question for you

sometimes i wonder if you dont want to be with just beacuse you might lose me.
but the question is what is a long distance relations ship for a few years compared to a lifetime?

you know me
i dont like commitment
yet i find myself there.
You know how im
just
dont like to be missed
yet its the one thing that holds me back
yet keeps me me

When i leave to fight demons.
may they be mine.
may they be night.
may they be what people fright.
may they be the night.
may they be the shadows.
may they be.

crawling linkin park

crawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/I can't seemto find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way beforeso insecurec
rawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
distracting/reacting
against my will I stand beside my own reflection
it's haunting how I can't seem... to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take) I've felt this way before
so insecurecrawling in my skin
these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall
confusing what is real
crawling in my skin these wounds they will not heal
fear is how I fall confusing confusing what is real
there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
consuming/confusing what is real
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
controlling/confusing what is real

its just that fealing that you always know what your suposed to do but you dont exactly know anything else.
and what do you think?

also
no one has nothing to fight for.
You just dont notice there reasions.

your the only one.
The only one that knows me.
The only one that knows what hides in the darkness.
the only one that understands.
The only one that brings peace in the pain.
The only one that can see.
The one that folows when I run.
The one that hold the peaces when I crumble
The only one that can see my scars.
The only one that can touch them.

The only one that gets a bridge of stone.

music makes me dance

top music list?
well music that intrests me right now
foggy dew
blind * I hate you kate*
comming undone *kate -_-*
when angels fly away
snap
lonely day
wo bist du
hands held high
wish again
rocky road to dublin
fiddlers green
blackbird *crazy remix i got*
american boy
what gose around comes around
one day
in time
no bravery
.45
time wont let me go
otherside
Till I colapse
Snowblind
union By black eyed peas
like toy soldiers

and a few others

a bridge

I was once asked by some one after i stoped talking to some one else.
why did you stop talking to them.
all I had to say.
I burn the bridges behind me so no one can walk them and get close to me again.
I burn them to keep them away from that monster that could be me.
I burn them so they never go down my path.
I burn them to keep them far from me.
I burn my bridges so no one else will.
and the people that are deturmed will cross that river anyway. they need no bridges.
but the real reasion I do it
some people dont need to be in my life.
I gave them a world full of chances and they just threw them on the ground.
so I say they can just sit on the edge of the river and look to the other side and see nothing but a foot trail.
the trail I left behind never to come bacl to

why do you have to like most of the things i do
it makes my list shorter

well.....
urm.....
have nothing to say yet

yea you know e i never say anything right.
but yea,,,,
i wouldnt take advantage of you....
but yea
work with you

just so you know.....
right now I could get real close to you
sexual or anything else...
I have to work on some things with you.....
so in other words dont expect any of that kindda stuff outta me....

the one thing in one of my dreams thats stick out the most.

I was walking in a grave yard.
I seen many stones.
Then there was a collu/piller thing...
It had a simple enscription

Here lies a lost man.
He did things so others never had to do them.
The question is who did you live your life?

that piller.
ITs in all the graveyards in my dreams.
ITs the pillar I hate.

thats why I dont sleep

The battles that are the hardest are not fought on the battle feild.
they are not fought in the light.
They are fought in the darkness of you mind

some times I wonder is pastor john keeps asking me to join....
also
you sould watch
brother where art thou.
and urm i kinnda want to spend more time with you at a more private place ish....
and stop talking about my dirty boots.
they are just fine.
who said you had to do every thing alone.

In the final hour

In the fianl hour of darkness, He sliped into the darkness.
He told us the question is not did we live life.
The question is how did we live.
Then he sliped into the darkness.
Like the wind across the plains.
yet he did not totaly dissapear.
We He is still around.
we continue to here storys of him somwhere else.

Pages riped from history.
kinda funny no one knows there where there, yet we know there was something missing.
No one knows what it is but they just know.
So rip some pages from random books just to fuck with people.

Time ticks on.
Sometimes I wonder.
can we leave the past behind us?
Never look back?
Or is that one thing that makes us who we are today?
If so why do we run from our past so much?
Yet why do we run from the future to?
so where dose that put us now?
Here or there?
Or just some where in the middle?

kindda funny how that last post worked out with the music...
i wasnt expecting that....
wonder if it was somthing that was urm......
dont know the words to say.
owell
ill figure it out one day.

magic 100
owell
i gess its just gunna be simple

in darkness no one knows who or what you are
just that you are

working on a new story....
well moreless a dream
well a set of them
my best and my worst.

136
sometimes I wonder why me.

i kindda find it funny how everything waits to go wrong at once.
but owell
i gess i kindda seen it coming.
thats my life

Walk softly in the night.
Coming and going with out being known.
A shroud of darkness.
Coming and going.
Fading in and out of darkness.
no one knows.
what happins when the darkness becomes light.
The light that reveils the truth.
A cold sunrise.

i find myself diffrent tht i used to be.
yet the same person.
kindda funny.

rome was such a sight at sunset.
not the time you know now.
but the rom that once was the greatest city.
I used to joke with my fellow legion members.
not all roads lead to rome but all roads do lead way from it.

Easy for you to say.
you dont live it every time you shut your eyes.

I have nothing to say.
Just this.
I think that this country must come to an end.
simply beacuse it is not what we where founded on.
WE have strayed far from this.
the end

I have somthing to say yet i dont know how to say it
if i havednt said it by the time you read this
ask me about darkness and hopfully i will remember

I want to know more about you.
Yet I dont want to push you to talk about anything you dont want to.




it helps me understand.

156
maby you might get it a little more
but anyways
no
All wall crumble with time.
simple facts.
The building a castle on pillars of sand was joking at the hypocrites in this world.
but anyways......
some wall have holes in them that souldnt.

198
People think they know me.
You wont find me in the pictures.
You wont find me in the paper.
you wont find me on the tv.
You wont see me.
Most will never know me.
Yet I would give everything for them.
Yet Im torn inbetwine everything.

153
102
105
67

The blood drips from my dreams.
The clouds fade into the night.
The moon shines a dim grey over the land.
The people scream for peace.
The people scream for life.
The people chant for death.
The blood dyes the ground.
The blood drips forever more in my dreams

192
195
191
165
151
122

Somtimes I wonder if some people need help.
Somtimes I wonder if I just souldnt help some people.
Sometimes I feal like it wont make a diffrence evan If i do help them.
Sometimes I think Im just a bandaid on a bigger problem.

The rain continues to pour from the sky on this darkday.
The warm rain.


Im sorry for shuting you out all the time.
Its just kindda who Im.

17
61
74
75
87
150

Some days im fine.

Others I worse.
some im everything i wish not to be.
The days You spend with me fight away the worse days.

Not today.

The last push.
It dose not matter tomarow.
Today will make tomaorw for eather way things will change.
Not today.
Today is not my time.
She will not get a folded flag tomaorw.
Yet some one will.
This will all be over by tomaorow.
The pain.
The suffering.
The lose.
The regret.
The bloodshed.
This war will end.
Yet I know every one will not make it home.
As many never see the sun rise again.
As many die.
As many try to change the world for the better.
As many fight for freedom will being cursed by their own states.
This will be a bloody day.
This will be the end.
Not today.
I will servive.
I have things that are better awaiting me.

My pridiction.
Things are going to change.
The world is slowly changing around us.
This war that is coming.
It will change the world.

68
72*

100
nothing more said

The rain continues to fall upon this land.
The rain I dance in.
The rain.
The place nothing hides.
The rain so sweet.
Yet so harsh.


150

148
149

simple numbers
97

yea

You ask me why is the music in your head so sad.
Its not.
Its happy if you knew me.
If you knew the things in my head.


140
a slight peace of me.
also
142

74

just some things i wanted to say
urm yea.....
74

134

The 3 pillars that continue to hold me off the harsh ground.
The 3 pillars that are the only thing that all of me agree on.
life
honor
duty
the 3 pillars that are me.


also
134 for you stalkers

the

My dreams.
My reality of sleep.
My battles.
The wars fought.
The people killed.
The lives ruend.
The splatter of blood on the walls.
The blood on my hands.

fightfull night

Another night I pray in fright. The night i lay awake. The living days the dying night. The frightfull days. The long sunsets. The nonrising sun. I look forward to each night. The night I stay awake. The night I ponder. Who will die on this frightfull night. Who will never see the light.

more days

how i feal today
62
80
92
93


96

twich

I WILL NOT GO SOFTLY INTO THE NIGHT.
I will not give up my rights.
I will not let you strip me of my freedom.
I will not let you break me.
I will not let you take my property.
I will not let you.
I will die before I give anything up.
I WILL NOT GO SOFTLY INTO THE NIGHT.
I WILL FIGHT
You can guarantee that.

stalker

OK this is direct word from twich....
it may be rude.
it may be crude
but it is true
stalker
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
COKE ON YOUR OWN WORDS AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
I DON'T WANT TO BE BY YOU.
LEAVE ME ALONE
I DON'T GO BY YOU SO DON'T COME BY ME.
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
with sincerity Twich.

safe

the same reasion you leep me away is the same reasion it try to keep you away.
The I zone badly i dont know If im going to come back alot of the time.
If i do come back.
I dont know if it will be me.
I just want to keep you safe.
Thats why I need to be alone somtimes.

maby

I never knwo what I want to say.
But i gess ill start of with this
Do you like it just being you?
as is not having anyone worry about you?

Dream

The city makes its amber glow in the distance.
The amber glow of the flames.
The light will die out soon.
Darkness will come.
The people.
The lives.
The moments of peace.
Gone.
Just like the city.
Gone like my peace.
Gone from what I used to be.
Just one more memory.
Just one more pece of the past.
Time to march on.
The day will come.
The day I come home.
Back to this burned city.
Back to this horible memory.
Back to myself.
Back to what I was suposed to be.
Not today.
Not tomaorw.
Not now.
March on.
Forward.
Push this day to the back of my mind.
The rain will come soon.
The fight will end.
The war will end.
Peace will come.
More heros will be made.
Not me.
Never.
Iam just a person doing a job.
One person.
The past will catch up to me somday.
Not today.
Today I just watch the city burn.

How

How many people have told you to look at the stars?
How many people have changed the way you look at them?
How many people have stoped to care?
How many people have seen you for what you are?
How many poople know you for you with out evan being you?
How many people have held you in the darkness to keep you safe?
Why do we say what we want but never say what we wish to say?

A Dream

The dark woods. The damp soft soil under my feet as I run. Silent in the night. Some will die tonight. Some will live. Only the ones that where here will remember. Down to my last mag. 30 rounds 5.56. This will make for an interesting night. If only I would have stole his gear to. In a rush. Always in a rush. Least I got his m9 to. I still have my mission to complete. Ha never thought them commercials about an army of one where true. Well I guess it comes down to me and them. Never thought It would come down to me doing this stuff to. Ha Ha I was just supoised to read the map and tell people where to go. Well I gess shit gets thick over here faster than every one wants to think.
Fuck.
Im being folowed............

today

Somday may never come.
Tomarow is just that. Tomaorw
Today is the only day that maters.

i know

you do not need to worry about hurting me.
I know what im geting into when im with you.
I know that everything is worse than yous show.
I know that.
You are more like me than i think.
I know.
I know that you want me far but right beside you.
I will hold you closer the more you try to get away from me.

magic numbers

2
4
5
8
9
17
19
21*
41
43

who

There is no rest for the wicked.
On the branches of time I sit.
The branch will break.
I will fall.
That is inevitable.
What I watch.
What I see.
That is up to me.
But who Iam I?

I just came back from a war

tell me.
Tell me your troubles.
tell me your boundary's long before i get to them.
Tell me your dreams.
Hold me tight.
Trust me.
Walk with me in the moon light.
Believe in yourself.
Your more than you think you are.
Your more than you think to me.

shoes

The action I choose are not mine.
The flips of personality are not mine.
The pain I expearance is all mine.
The people I watch over.
The war I fight.
The demons in the dark that call my name.
The people I heal.
The shoe will drop.
The question is where?

endless cycle of darkness and light

never

anywhere as long as its somwhere you can be with me. Yet somplaces I go I know you can not come. The places I walk in the darkness. Yet I will protect you in the darkness for im just one more things that breaths the cold crisp air of night. And in the night you will never be alone.

A tune

The waves crash against the shoreline. The fog over the rolling hills. The home i want. The light breaze in me face. No fear. No judgement. Just freedom. just the slow tune that plays in my mind. A tune of home. The tune I may never hear.

A wish

I sit on the dim moon lit beach. I know for im not alone. My angle sits next to me. A slight smile on her face. She watches over me as I watch over every one. She sits in scilence. She knows everything I will say. We sit in scilence as we watch the waves roll in. We sit here never to e alone again. As we wished.

The pain

Its been a wile since I looked in the mirror. I can not face myself for what I'm. The pain of being me. The pain of living with what I live with. The pain of being alone yet with some one. The pain of being twich. The pain of being just a shell. The pain of never knowing where home is. The pain of nenver knowing who I'm. The pain of knowing that most of the tim im right. The pain of m dreams. The pain of my emotions. The pain i live with. The pain that makes me wake up from my sleep. The pain that slowly kills me. The pain of being me.