a day of fighting the shakes.
a day of fighting the urge to run
aday of fighting the head aches
a day of fighting the world
a day of fighting ymself
just one more day.
or
one less day?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
a story
a new playlist
amost bilt on me.
well
the me i see right now.
my past
my present
and everything else.
you will find it on my other page....the secound one....
well.....i gess this post changed its meaning half way though....
so i gess here what i want to talk about.....
my past...I kindda decided to look back on it finaly.
I treid to be a diffrent person once before.
A simple rose on a simple valintines day.
I decided to go out on a limb.
It worked for a wile.
then it dicapeaierd.
like everything else in my life but whats new.
skip forward a cuple years....
high school...
A changed person.
slightly more depressed than every one else.
yet no one knows anything about me.
Just one more fake mask.
One more actor in the play of life.
Still alone.
just trying to get outta high school...
get on with the rest of me life.
everything was planed out.
a military life.
full blown.
no one to cry for me.
made it easy.
Just be me.
alone.
In scilence.
The darkness was not that bad.
I accepted who I was.
Then i gess things kindda changed.
I decided to go out on a limb again.
try to be diffrent..
maby life could be better.
skip ahead a few more months.
things start to fall apart.
I try to hold it together.
It works for a few more.
then i kindda crumbles.
I decided to move on with my life so I dont get draged down with some one who never realized who I was.
kindda spent a few days thinking prity lowly of my self.
yet
I was slightly releaved.
*back a year*
some one catches my eye,
yet shes out there and I realy dont want to talk to her.
not frightend.
I gess its just myy shyness.
yet...she grows close to me some how.
hard for me to get close to anyone.
yet she become my best freind so to say.
I end upthinking more of her.
the similarities betwine us. Yet I kindda got close to some on else at the same time.
yet it was diffrent.
A slight chunk of me wanted to dump her after things got rough. for some reasion ididnt.
After I did break up with her.
I wish i would have done it sooner.
Yet at the same time I wish i didnt.
Yet I traded lives once again.
I broke up with her.
I hung up my mask that every one else seen.
Every one but her.
The one person to look deeper than the serface.
The one I truly loved.
Somthing about her.
It grew on me.
Maby it was when I relized if she died a space in me would be vacant.
I fought so hard for her with out relizing it.
Then she held her life in her hands.
I kindda dawned on me.
I was ment for her.
yet wile i was single i still floated around for a bit.
found out som things.....
like the day she found out that i was dating the other girl was the day she was going to ask me.
If only one of us would have asked sooner.
well it came around and she asked me.
I said yes of course.
life gets better.
The pain not as harsh.
The distance spacing lessing then dissapering.
the slight smiles.
yet I still ask my self.
did I make a diffrence today?
Yet I still ask myself.
why do things happin like they do.
but then I think
somties the plot may be obscure and dim.
yet it always works out in the best way it can.
so I gess thats it for now....
feal a lil beter....
night
Myself
a new playlist
amost bilt on me.
well
the me i see right now.
my past
my present
and everything else.
you will find it on my other page....the secound one....
well.....i gess this post changed its meaning half way though....
so i gess here what i want to talk about.....
my past...I kindda decided to look back on it finaly.
I treid to be a diffrent person once before.
A simple rose on a simple valintines day.
I decided to go out on a limb.
It worked for a wile.
then it dicapeaierd.
like everything else in my life but whats new.
skip forward a cuple years....
high school...
A changed person.
slightly more depressed than every one else.
yet no one knows anything about me.
Just one more fake mask.
One more actor in the play of life.
Still alone.
just trying to get outta high school...
get on with the rest of me life.
everything was planed out.
a military life.
full blown.
no one to cry for me.
made it easy.
Just be me.
alone.
In scilence.
The darkness was not that bad.
I accepted who I was.
Then i gess things kindda changed.
I decided to go out on a limb again.
try to be diffrent..
maby life could be better.
skip ahead a few more months.
things start to fall apart.
I try to hold it together.
It works for a few more.
then i kindda crumbles.
I decided to move on with my life so I dont get draged down with some one who never realized who I was.
kindda spent a few days thinking prity lowly of my self.
yet
I was slightly releaved.
*back a year*
some one catches my eye,
yet shes out there and I realy dont want to talk to her.
not frightend.
I gess its just myy shyness.
yet...she grows close to me some how.
hard for me to get close to anyone.
yet she become my best freind so to say.
I end upthinking more of her.
the similarities betwine us. Yet I kindda got close to some on else at the same time.
yet it was diffrent.
A slight chunk of me wanted to dump her after things got rough. for some reasion ididnt.
After I did break up with her.
I wish i would have done it sooner.
Yet at the same time I wish i didnt.
Yet I traded lives once again.
I broke up with her.
I hung up my mask that every one else seen.
Every one but her.
The one person to look deeper than the serface.
The one I truly loved.
Somthing about her.
It grew on me.
Maby it was when I relized if she died a space in me would be vacant.
I fought so hard for her with out relizing it.
Then she held her life in her hands.
I kindda dawned on me.
I was ment for her.
yet wile i was single i still floated around for a bit.
found out som things.....
like the day she found out that i was dating the other girl was the day she was going to ask me.
If only one of us would have asked sooner.
well it came around and she asked me.
I said yes of course.
life gets better.
The pain not as harsh.
The distance spacing lessing then dissapering.
the slight smiles.
yet I still ask my self.
did I make a diffrence today?
Yet I still ask myself.
why do things happin like they do.
but then I think
somties the plot may be obscure and dim.
yet it always works out in the best way it can.
so I gess thats it for now....
feal a lil beter....
night
Myself
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