somthing thats kindda always on me mind,......
where i fit in life......
whre im suposed to be....
i think the thing that kindda gets me is....
i want to spend every moment with her....
yet a large chunk of me wants to be in a combat zone....
its finding the inbetwine.....
i kinddfeal like the bomb guy in the hurt locker....
at the end.....
i know where im going ish...
i know what im doing....
its well
after.....that kindda gets me

somthing to write.....
anything worth wile is never easy....
lotta things on the mind latly....
past
present
whats next......
what do i do.....
i know what i want to....
i know what i have to......
i might have to start geting things around for my leave....
dam
4 years.......
this year is gunna go by so fast then im gone.....
but least im the shit....
marines.....
yet i know she will still worry about me....
just like i wory about her.....
its funny...
2 people just fine with being alone.... end up together......
my girl....shes amazing.....
we see our selves so wrong...but the way we see each other.....this is my blog....
my mind....
i might go back into my note book and put up some post...i will try to put more new stuff up....
my past is still on my mind alot.....and its almost still in my face....and i will havde to deal with it for anougher year......
easy...
just do what i have to do inclass....get by and be a marine....get my collage....maby stay in reitre by 40......do w.e i want.....
its the inbetwine now....
thats what gets me......
from now till june 6th.....less than a year to get physicaly redy an mentaly.....
and to do a few other things i want to......
need to talk to pastor......
well thats it for now.....

billy jean was not my girl

its kindda funny....how i see things.....
its kindda funny how im starting to peace things to gether....
its kindda funny how the cards fall.....
or are they pushed?
things are falling into place almost so perfectly....
its just clicking now.....
yet...still hard...but better.......



hey kate......
if i die.....in a combat zone....
you get my notebook

minor details thats what i watch for....
its like
well
everthing is the same
yet somthing is diffrent
the worst part is when it happins and you dont relize it till like a couple days later then its like fuck....i knew that...
its just
odd
and somtimes unbearable.
but i have to for it is a fraction of me

The cold snow on the mountain.
The slow falling of the light snowflakes.
the crunch of snow under my boots.
just a bit farther to the top.
the cold howl of the wind.
the fidged air.
prefect place to sit down and rest.
watcdh the world fomr this mountain top,

from a side of me that dosnt get to say much

when you jump off that cliff all you can think about is how much you want to jump. As you go down you start to think about things difrently. Then when you hit the hard ground. It hurts so much. But all you can think is fuck it hurts. Why did i do it?
Yet somtimes you just pick yourself up beacuse you know that you souldnt have jumped and you know why now. yet stomtimes you jump and thats all you know.
and somtimes there is some one there to talk you down from jumping. I never had that person.
I jumped.
I felt free for a moment.
happy.
then i hit the ground.
The worst pain ever.
But i got up.
The greatest thing ive ever done.
I moved on.
Yet I still cant sleep.
I still dream red.
I still have my pains.
I still think about jumping.
Im found.
yet for some reasion I still feal so lost?
i gess its just me for the moment.


Rainman

Put one foot in fount of the other.
All the advice i can give myself.
its kindda funny.
that you dont miss somthign til its gone.
but owell...
summer might last a bit longer now.
then again next year sould go fast.
yet its kindda my last year around here....
basic
mos
somewhere not here....
and maby a ring somwhere inbetween somthing